Oz and Salem's messed up plot
by Stormbyte84
Summary: Kinda AU where Salem and Ozpin Post-Volume 3 rewrite the story to pass the time. I got nothing. Seriously this only happened because I listen to I'm The One too much.
**I do not own RWBY or it's characters. Would be cool if I did though...**

* * *

"Well then" Started Ozpin calmly. "May I ask you a hypothetical question?"

Across the table from him was Salem, her blood red eyes gleaming. She sighed and turned to Ozpin. "If you must" Salem replied.

Ozpin smiled. "What if things were different? What if you weren't evil? Hypothetically speaking of course"

Salem scowled in return, before inclining her head in his direction, encouraging him to go on. Ozpin smiled once more. "What if I, let's say, _jumbled up_ the moralities and places of Remnant's heroes and villains?"

Salem rose what looked like an eyebrow. "I think you shouldn't waste your time like this, when you should be trying to escape"

Ozpin smiled yet again. "Please, indulge me in this idea. I'm not letting it go" He began. "I think it would start like this…"

* * *

"Legends" Started Salem. "Stories scattered through time. Had they not been meddled with, you would be receiving the accurate version. But he tampered with the plot, and now this has to happen. Thanks Ozpin. You've really done it this time. So the fate of mankind, and now also my own fate, rests on the shoulders of a quaint, fifteen year old boy. Who just so happens to be the bad guy in the original plot. As if my day couldn't get any worse"

The fractured moon had risen in the night sky. A short girl with even shorter dark hair was leading a group of thugs through a dark alleyway. She grabbed a child's lollypop from their hands and began sucking it. The kid didn't fight back because of the giant mechanical scythe gun she was using as a cane, painted red and black, just like her outfit. She stopped in front of an open shop, glaring at the sign. FROM DUST TILL DAWN. She giggled at the play on words, approving of it. The girl pushed open the door to see an old, frail man at the counter.

"Do you know how hard" A thug pointed a gun at the shopkeep. "It is to find a Dust shop open this late. Mister… Shopkeep?"

He panicked, raising his hands and surrendering. "Just take my Lien and leave!" He said quickly, staring at the gun pointed at him.

"Calm down, my name's Ruby. And we don't want your money." Ruby turned to the men. "Grab the Dust. Oh and any comic books you find, I'm running low"

One by one the thugs attached machines to the Dust dispensers, sucking up every last speck. The last hired gun turned to see a boy reading some kind of comic. He drew his sword. "Hey kid, give up the comic book" He called. No response. "Come on I want the comic bounty" No response. "You got a death wish or something?" He asked as he pulled the kid's hat off his head. He turned, revealing his bright silver eyes and ginger hair.

"Hey!" He started. "Don't touch the hat. Wait, are you robbing me?"

The goon growled. "Yes!" He yelled.

The kid smirked and narrowed his eyes. "Hmmm… How about no"

Ruby watched as the thug was knocked back past her. She nodded to a second goon, who drew a handgun at the kid. The kid pointed his cane at him, and fired. They both catapulted through the window, with the kid landing confidently on his feet. Ruby glared at the kid through the window, settling her own silver eyes on his.

"Get him" She simply stated.

He pointed his _Melodic Cudgel_ at the three approaching men, and took them all out with a single shot, twirling his cane around to compensate for recoil, and slamming the tip of the cane into the last man. He crashed into the asphalt, making a small crater. Ruby stepped out of the shop, pointing the rifle inside her scythe at the boy.

"Well Torchy, old buddie, it's been a great ride, but I'm afraid it's time" Ruby cocked her rifle menacingly. "For you to get off" She finished by firing an explosive round into the floor, creating an explosion of fire. When the smoke cleared Roman was still stood in the same place, a flaming red glyph protecting him. He waved it away and saw that Ruby had vanished, leaving a trail of rose petals to a nearby ladder.

Before Roman went after Ruby he had to make sure of one thing. He turned to the shocked shopkeep. "Stay out of trouble old man" With that Roman fired a grappling hook out of the cane's handle onto the ladder's top rung. As Ruby walked to the edge of the building, Roman hopped up.

She glanced over her shoulder and sighed. "Persistent..." Suddenly a Bullhead craft rose from the street, shining a bright light onto Roman. Ruby quickly hopped into the open side door and grabbed some kind of grenade. "Sorry but this is the end of the line, Torchy" Ruby threw the grenade, where it should have exploded on impact.

Instead a solitary yellow figure had caught the grenade mid air and glared with ice blue eyes at where Ruby should have been, had she not ran into the cockpit the moment she had gotten wind of who it was.

"It's my father..." She said somberly.

The woman piloting the craft simply sighed and shot her emerald eyes into Ruby's silver. "Fine. I'll deal with him"

Roman's savior suddenly began glowing red from the Dust-infused tattoo on his arm. He tossed the grenade back, where it was engulfed in flame moments before detonating. The resulting force knocked the ship back, causing the pilot to stumble into view. Conveniently the night's shadow shrouded her face from view, showing only her green eyes, the right one of which had a flaming aura. She created several shards of ice in the air and threw them towards Roman and the mystery man. His tattoo then began glowing green as he punched the air, making a gust of wind that blew all of the ice back at the woman. Roman pointed his cane at the woman and fired three times. The first was dodged, but blew a hole through the ship. The second and third were deflected, and before Roman could fire a fourth she reached her hand out to his cane. A black aura surrounded the barrel as against Roman's will, the weapon was pointed at his own feet and his most powerful shot was loaded. The man realized the problem and threw himself onto Roman, blocking the barrel with his fist just as the weapon fired. The explosion blasted the huntsman off his feet and fired Roman backwards. The huntsman jumped up and watched as the Bullhead flew off into the distance. He stared, knowing that his own daughter was aboard.

"Hey!" This snapped him out of his glare, and he turned to Roman. "You're Taiyang Xiao Long" A pause. "Can I have a ride home?"

Taiyang slammed his fist onto the table. "Do you know how long I was tracking that girl? No? Six months!" He yelled. "Your actions will not be taken lightly. You endangered yourself and others, even if you managed to catch wanted criminals, you still screwed up"

Roman scowled. "I did the best I could with the time that I had before you swooped in. And I did catch wanted criminals, thank you very little!" Roman replied, with the same malice in his voice.

"True. Though if it were up to me, I'd have you sent home with a punishment" He smirked. "And a plate of cookies, speaking of which, someone wants to see you" Taiyang stepped aside just as another man, this one with jet black hair and red eyes.

"Roman Torc 'hic', sorry, Roman Torchwick..." He leaned in close enough for Roman to smell the alcohol on his breath. "You have... the same eyes as my niece and my ex"  
Roman visibly cringed at the statement.

"So!" The drunken man started. "Where, where did you learn this stuff?" He said, gesturing to footage of Roman fighting the goons.

"From... My uncle" Roman replied.

Taiyang raised an eyebrow. "Oh, so you're _that_ Roman Torchwick." Tai leaned into the drunk's ear. "Qrow, I know you won't get it, but think about it. Canes, smart outfit, _that_ outlook on life..." At this Qrow's eyes widened.

"So Mr Torchwick, what are you doing learning this kind of thing from Oz?" Qrow asked cautiously.

Roman's eyes widened, full of hope. "I want to be a Huntsman"

Qrow raised an eyebrow higher than Tai's. "You want to kill the crap out of giant scary monsters?"

"I want to help people, stop prejudice etc... But yeah mainly the monster part" He replied, smirking.

Qrow dropped the eyebrow. "Do you know who I is?" He asked.

Roman shivered at the drunken grammar. "You're Professor Qrow Branwen, Headmaster of Beacon Academy. And drunk too"

"I'll have you know I'm never sober or drunk. And do you, Roman Torchwick, Roman Not-A-Bad-Guy Torchwick, want to come to my school?"

"Will I get more exposition?"

Tai stepped in. "Maybe in Volume 2, but then you'll be losing your screentime to Neo soooo..."

"Wait, who's Neo?"

Tai and Qrow exchanged looks. "Welllllll..." Tai began. Qrow clicked his fingers, putting Tai and Roman into a trance. "You will never remember any of this, Roman you will attend Beacon because the plot demands it, and Taiyang will buy me some whisky, as I have ran out" Qrow stated mysteriously. "Awaken" He clicked his fingers.

* * *

Roman stood shakily on the airship. He didn't know how the hell he got here.

"It's times like these that I wish I had a beautiful yellow haired sister to hug me to death" Roman said, wiping a fake tear from his eye.

"Torchwick!" Called a deep voice behind him. Roman turned to see bright red eyes and red hair, within which was a pair of black horns. "How the hell did you get here?"

"I... I really don't have a clue Adam" Roman curtly replied.

Adam raised an eyebrow (People sure do that a lot don't they) "Huh. Well I guess it means you're coming to Beacon then."

Roman gasped. "I thought I was getting the headmaster some whisky. Oh wait, wrong hypnotism!"

* * *

"..."  
"All hypothetical of course"  
"That honestly wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it'd be..."  
"Thank you"  
"So. What happened next?"  
"The intro I believe..."

* * *

 **What's this? A new story when I should really get out a damn chapter of TSL? Diabolical!  
** **In all honesty though I couldn't get this idea out of my head. Like seriously.  
** **To make up for my recent inactivity expect one, maybe two chapters of TSL tomorrow night. Or day depending on where you live.  
Please review and if you actually think this is good follow/favorite. I will real-I mean won't be offended if you don't. Also check out TSL if you're bored.  
** **-Stormbyte84**


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